It’s About Time

Can you believe that a quarter of a century has just passed? I know, especially in our global village, it seems like we’re all racing against time. We don’t have enough of it, not enough time for accomplishment, family, friends, health, self-improvement, etc. The cakes are under baked or over-baked. The calls and emails are overdue, or just take too long. We feel like we are operating at a deficit in so many areas that it’s challenging to even breathe normally. Every choice we make seems to take us away from others that we should make. My heart is pounding just writing these words!

So too in the lengthy saga of the Joseph story. Approaching the ‘finale,’ the brothers vacillate, as is written in the beginning of Tanya, between self-righteousness and despair. And then the man whom they think is ‘a stranger in a strange land’ declares, ‘I am Yosef; is my father still alive?’

The Midrash oddly compares this encounter to an other –worldly scene: ‘Oh to the final day of judgement,’ when people will come up with all kinds of excuses as to why they fall short in this world, referring to the above scenarios: ‘I didn’t have enough time to spend quality time with my kids, my spouse, my parents; I didn’t have time to do my best at my job, to manage daily prayer or Torah study, or give sufficient charity’…The divine response will be soft but as pointed as sharp sword to the heart…’And did you have time to shoot the breeze with your co-workers, or catch up with the latest gossip at the water cooler? Did you have time to snap at your kids when carpool swallowed the ticking hours? Did you glance too long at the newspaper or daily YouTube report, so as to miss the minyan or regular shiur, even from the convenience of your devices?’

This is the clearest kind of rebuke anyone could have if they’re being honest with themselves. This is the arrow that pierces the bubble of complacency, expressed when Tanya writes, ‘Even if the whole world tells you that you are righteous, you should be in your own eyes as a Rasha- a defective person’ On the other hand, Tanya continues, ‘if you constantly feel you’re at fault or not good enough, you tend to give up.’ The solution then cannot be to go to someone else- or to your inner voice-who will call you out and beat you up.  If after you’ve done the best you thought you could do, but things still didn’t work out, you may message yourself by saying, ‘I give up; I can’t do any better; time is not on my side, life is just random or out to get me.’ That’s a state of mind when you most need to recall what I often remind myself and others, especially around Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, ‘Remember that you are being judged by a Creator who is madly in love with you and wants you to succeed.’

But how do you invoke those corrective measures to help navigate between the above extremes of smugness or constant anxiety? Again, we can learn from Joseph who choreographed the brothers’ situation where they would come to a point of Teshuvah, repentance or return, where they could admit, as we are meant to do on Yom Kippur, ‘Ah, in truth we are guilty.’ We in turn can pray to G-d not just for our needs, but primarily for guidance and clarity in showing us how we need to and have the inner resourcefulness and faith, to improve our character.

And it’s all about  the right timing. In Hebrew, there are several words for time that relate to the process of Teshuvah. One of them is ‘Atah’ which when spelled with the letter Ayin, means, ‘now’ as in the verse, ‘And NOW Israel, what does G-d ask from you, but to be in awe…’ Another word for time is ‘Sha’ah’ which also means ‘turn.’ In other words, to turn from a negative direction into a constructive path. A third word for time is ‘Zman’ as in the blessing we recited on the first day of Chanukah, ‘who has brought us to this time,’ referring to a surprising ‘Kodak moment’ of your otherwise predictable life.

This week not only carries us into a new calendar year, but one with a very symbolic numerical transition. The number 25 in Hebrew spells the word ‘KOH’ meaning ‘thus.’ But when we move into 26, we arrive at the numerical equivalent of the most personal Divine name of G-d, the one that was fully pronounced only in the holy temple. What is the difference between the two? KOH refers more to a natural kind of karmic process of cause and effect. For example, ‘If this and that happened in the past, then this and that will most definitely occur in the future. But the human soul in not so comfortable in this imaginal pigeon hole. In fact, just think of a bird- to which the soul is actually compared- who does not look very contented in its cage.

However, the sacred name of 26 tells us that we are being renewed every second (this name has in it the words for ‘was, is, and will be.’) The message is that at every moment we are capable of making the best choice possible. And, if we don’t, to paraphrase Scarlett O’Hara, ‘we still have TORAH’ as well as Teshuvah and prayer, to guide us into a new moment of ATAH-NOW, where we can escape the stumbling blocks of the extremes of self-flagellation and self-glorification, and make a new choice which will cause even the highest realm of angels to gasp in awe at our transformative ability and transcendent capacity. May the path from 25 to 26 help illuminate our way!