UN: Israel’s Haiti Hospital is Illegal Outpost (Satire)

Editor’s Note: This article is satire, and also previously appeared on the Huffington Post.

Israel has erected a state-of-the art field hospital in Haiti hours after a devastating earthquake shook the island nation. The hospital has been credited with saving scores of Haitian lives and has delivered the first baby born to an earthquake victim.

However, the United Nations considers the Israeli Field Hospital an “illegal outpost”.

High UN officials and a large number of Muslim member states have condemned Israel’s latest move as yet another brazen, arrogant act of Zionist aggression. “Those infidel Zionist goons are at it again,” said Mohammad Al-Fuqua, the spokesman for the Arab League Caucus at the UN.

“The imperialist imps are implanting Israeli immigrants with impunity”, according to an anonymous imam unable to identify himself due to tenacious threats from Turkmenistani tribes to terminate his testicles.

“We are not fooled by this latest attempt by the Zionist jackals to steal land from Haitians, as they have from Palestinians. First, they come in with a tent bearing the Star of David. Next thing you know, they’ll be setting up falafel stands all over Port-au-Prince. Before you know it, they’ll be planting trees, drip-irrigating agricultural land, and teaching the Haitians how to dance the ‘hora’ while singing ‘Hava Nagilah’. This is an outrage!” cried the anonymous imam, while glaringly grasping his groin.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu responded coolly with one word in Yiddish, “Gevalt.”