The Wicked Child Support Group

by Joshua Kail, The Rebbitzman

We are fast approaching Pesach. A holiday where Jews come together, tell the story of the Exodus, share a meal, and most importantly, welcome the stranger. Yet, there is one group of people who are not given the same kindness and empathy that we give to those whom we don’t know. I am talking about the wicked child. 

For those of us deemed wicked, we have come to dread the part of the seder when it is time to read about the four children. For generations, it is this moment when all eyes dart to one particular person at the table. With curled smiles on their lips, they jokingly say “That’s the wicked one.” It is an annual reminder to millions of Jews that they are not welcome.

This is the year we change that. This is the year the wicked children unite! That is why, as your Rebbitzman, I have formed The Wicked Child Support Group. A place where the wicked are celebrated for the much-needed critical eye we bring to every situation.

Take this quiz to see if you should join:

Are you always asked to read the part of Wicked Child at the Seder?
Do you tense up at the idea of having to listen to your uncle sing Had Gad Ya?
Do you prefer white maror to the red one?
Does it bother you that the four questions are really just one redundant question?

If you answered yes to any of these questions or find yourself wondering, “What do these questions mean to him?” Then, The Wicked Child Support Group is right for you.

What does becoming a member of The Wicked Child Support Group get you?

• A lifetime membership*
  • *Lifetime memberships expire if you start seeing a therapist and find your general disposition changing.
• Sunglasses to hide your constant eye rolling when your father tries and fails to say “Gamliel.”
• A copy of our pamphlet: “Who Moved My Afikomen: An Amazing Way to Deal With the Wicked Criticism in Your Life“
• Access to our social media platform, Bitter, which brings wicked children from around the world together. It’s kind of like Twitter but without the rampant antisemitism.

An invitation to our annual trip to Giza so you can see firsthand what it would be like “had you been a slave in the land of Egypt and were left behind.” (The Mahshi  is delicious!)

For wicked children everywhere, the seders can be a difficult time. With The Wicked Child Support Group, that doesn’t have to be the case. You can go into any seder knowing there are people just like you, forever deemed unworthy because one time when you were twelve but still the youngest, you refused to say the ma nish tanah. One time! I mean, does that justify a lifetime of being deemed wicked? Or you know, whatever your reason for getting the seder side-eye is.