A Taste of Shabbat From Pesach: Focus On Fours

Ask your kids about the most important number in the Haggadah and we all know what they will say- FOUR. Which group of four will they come up with first? Probably the four sons. There are tons (more than four) of explanations about the characters they represent, but I would like to share an intriguing, historical one. Having grown up in post-Holocaust years, this one feels most relevant. The wise son represents a generation prior, a generation where, especially throughout Europe Jews were living Judaism 24/7, and were totally familiar with Jewish teachings, practice, and ritual.

However, post-Holocaust, so very many children who were brought up traditionally, rebelled against what they perceived as outdated, meaningless, or even dangerous for our people. Then along comes the ‘simple children,’ – the ones who saw the inconsistencies between the lives of their parents and their grandparents. Finally the children who don’t know how to ask because they are mainly assimilated into secular culture. If for example, if they even heard about tefillin, it is probably because they saw it in a display case of ancient Jewish relics. If they saw antique candlesticks on a mantelpiece, they might wonder when they were made.

How can we reverse this downward spiral of generational fours? To me, ‘reverse engineering’ of the four questions, seems like a plan. If we start by relating to those ‘who don’t know how to ask,’ we can start, not to turn back the clock but to remove the blocks that stop the natural soul from expressing itself. And the Haggadah reminds us, by stating this response in the feminine, ‘AT PESACH LO,’YOU in the feminine grammatical form, should create an opening.’  This approach is basically a feminine process, and an actual play on the Hebrew word for Passover. This is a process not of force feeding, but of nourishing the tiny flicker of a yearning for something more. The implication is that the child in each of us is hungry, but they are too speechless to ask, so you feed them (and perhaps yourselves) the questions that need to be asked.

From there, the progression seems straightforward. The next step is the seeker can then ask, ‘Ma Zot?’ what is this (and in the Hebrew even sounds like MATZOS! ) Next, inevitably, the child, young or old, will encounter issues that contradict what he or she has been thinking about for a long time, and will ask, ‘Why do you need all this effort?’ Here’s where patience and empathy are of the utmost importance. Teach, but don’t preach. Educate but don’t indoctrinate. Remember the axiom of the Aish Kodesh’s definition of ‘education,’ chinuch, to entrain, to bring forth that original Torah knowledge learned in the womb! And if you’re insecure about your own knowledge, remember the adage of the Lubavitcher Rebbe: ‘If you know an Alef, teach an Alef.’

Actually the original source of fours in the Haggadah, comes from the language in the Torah about the four expressions of redemption. ‘I brought you forth (fourth?) I saved you, I redeemed you, I took you (to me as a people).’ These expressions too are meant to convey a development from partial release to complete disengagement from negative constraints of all sorts.

What is a Shabbos connection here? Remember, based on Moshe’s suggestion to Pharaoh about the Israelites needing a day off, Shabbos was their first taste of liberation even when still under the afflictions of slavery. That taste of Shabbos kept them going, until they got the commandment at Sinai.

There is a story of a rabbi who visited an elder in a senior nursing home. The man showed the rabbi a picture of his children and grandchildren, and complained that his children stopped visiting him. His wording about his family’s devolution was poignant: ‘My grandfather said ‘holy, holy Shabbos’. My father said holy Shabbos, I called it Shabbat, my son calls it Saturday, and my grandson- calls it the weekend.’

Start by telling people you know about the ‘very holy Shabbos.’ Ask them to, as the verse goes, ‘Taste and see.’ Tease them with provocative questions, or ask them to ask their own. And if they question the whole thing, even better. Tell them how every Seder should have a rebellious son, but don’t point your fist at his jaw. Remind him how he too can become wise. As one of my favorite quips goes: ‘The past tense of wisdom is ‘was dumb.’ We’ve all been there at some point, where we didn’t even know ‘how to ask,’ beginning with the infant wailing stage, both wordless and trusting. Shabbos gives us a chance to react according to where we are in life. And we don’t have to wait a whole year when you’re in a ‘crunch’ for another Seder to have those available moments when the Shabbos breeze makes us long for q’s and a’s.

Look at the Shabbat candles and see how they call to the fire in your soul. May the FOURS be with you!